After having spent some time perusing the town, I have come to a disappointing conclusion: most Ely homes are lacking Halloween yard décor, and those that have put in an effort clearly need some direction. And so, here are my pro tips on how to spook-up your property the right way. Especially before All Hallow’s Eve passes us by.
Bats: These rats with wings are a staple of the season. Add them to your house or trees to really get into the spirit.
Spiderwebs: Some properties clearly haven’t been touched in years. No need to go out and buy outlandish webs. You let nature do it for you.
Gary Busey: Guy scares the hell out of me, I’ll tell you that.
Witches: No reason to buy a decoration, just put out your mother-in-law! Badum Tssssh I’m sorry, it’s been a long week…
Skeletons: Nothing says Halloween like putting up some skeletons on your front lawn. No, I’m not talking about those blow-up Walmart abominations. I’m talking real skeletons. If you’re interested, I might know a guy… Just hit me up and we’ll meet at the Mill Street mortuary.
Eclipse Glasses and Merch: You stocked up and got a whole bunch of swag for October 14th’s annular eclipse. All that crap is useless now, so might as well put it to good use as decorations. Boo!
More Skeletons: I hear there’s a pile of bones stacked up to look like a bear in the White Pine Public Museum. I’m not saying that it’s there for the taking and an easy swipe, I’m just saying… steal it.
A Nativity Scene: Some say a nativity scene should only be reserved for Christmastime, not Halloween. And to them I say, “Yall need Jesus!” Because, as we all know, that carpenter’s story is the ultimate Halloween tale. A woman becomes pregnant without conception. Hello? Has anyone even seen Alien? Plus, he later rises from the dead. Jesus is a zombie, case closed. Merry Halloween.