November is a time traditionally set aside for “don’ts”. Meaning, popular culture has taken on the “no” in November and made the entire month a challenge for whatever people see fit. “No-Shave November”, “Dry November” for no alcohol, or “No-Nut November.”
I would like to propose more options for what we should all aspire not to do this month, for your consideration.
“No Leaving the Shopping Cart Out November.” Just take the time and perform the selfless act of putting it back in the store. What is wrong with you? Seriously? It literally takes nothing at all, you freakin’ heathens!!! Put the shopping cart away! Follow this long past the month of November, please.
“Mountain Dew-Not November.” It’s absolute monkey pee. You shouldn’t be drinking it anyway. Use this month to kick start your abstinence when it comes to this disgusting nitrous of a soda. Slowly transition into enjoying real soft drinks that aren’t cancer in a bottle. More like Mountain Ewe, you know what I mean?
“No Outside Pajamas November.” Put on some real pants if you’re going out in public. Heathen!
“No Snow November.” Oops… Never mind.
“Turkey-less Thanksgiving.” Admittedly, this one is for pure selfish reasons. Every year, I miss out on getting a turkey because, as usual, I wait until the Wednesday before Thanksgiving to nab a gobbler. And they’re always gone! So, if everyone else could take it easy and maybe instead stuff a pig for one year, I’d really appreciate it. Nothing wrong with a pork dinner. Or, better yet, just leave a dang turkey for me to pick up in the shopping cart that you left in the parking lot, you walking disappointment.