Out Driveled

I find myself in need to apologize. I would specifically like to apologize to all the dedicated readers of the Drivel Dispatch. To all two-and-a-half of you, I am sorry. I’ve let you down.

I began writing this column with the intent of becoming the community’s source of nonsense. Your escape into the flapdoodle, the baloney, the rubbish, wack, codswallop, and bushwa. But not this week.

I’m ashamed to let everyone know… I have been out driveled.

When it comes to the written word, I thought I had it made. I couldn’t have foreseen the possibility that there would eventually be a publication out there filled with more crapola, more blathering poppycock, more tripe.

I suppose a congratulations is in order. I will take my defeat with dignity. To the victor, it is probably only right that I turn people toward you, so that they too may become aware of your superiority in the writing of phooey.

Congratulations to the White Pine County Board of Commissioners Meeting Minutes. You are truly the King of Drivel. I am, frankly, in awe. There is no way I could have come up with anything more unbelievable.

In fact, you are an inspiration. Your Public Comment section, in particular, was quite genius in terms of drivel. If I am to lose being this week’s source of nonsense, I hope I may learn from what you got right. If I can do that, then I may once again out drivel you in the future. And this defeat will have been worth it, in the end. It will have been Alworth it.