The drivel dispatch

By Jack Caffrey

The Fool’s Pledge

I pledge to be a fool.

I promise to seek out absurdity, high jinks, folly, silliness, horseplay, crapola, mumbo jumbo, good ol’ fashioned clowning, and a pure lack of sense in all things.

I promise to embody and personify this list to the best of my ability every day. Preferably when appropriate, but most likely when not.

I pledge to be a fool.

Never again will I wear wool on Tuesdays, nor will I ask questions as to why.

I pledge to be a fool.

I will not have it in my tomfoolery. I will not give sway to the funny-boneless.

I will not accommodate any one person, subject, or doodad. So long as all jokes come from the same place of fun, never to hurt and only to make laugh, I know I am right. We are here to jest, not bully.

Foolishness is rarely nice. But I know it can always be kind.

I pledge to be a fool.

…I might still end up wearing wool on a Tuesday…

I pledge to be a fool.

I will never be cruel. If accused of having such intent, I will take time to honestly reflect and consider what I have done. I will make amends, if necessary.

But I will never apologize for a joke. If a joke lands flat or is ill timed, I will take full responsibility and atone for the way I made someone feel. But apologizing specifically for what was said, if it truly was not meant to harm, is akin to defending an attempt to heal a wound or saying sorry for offering someone a loaf of bread.

I understand proper jokes, the ones people love and the ones they hate, come from the same place: a heart just trying to make someone laugh.

I will never apologize for that.

A line can only be found if crossed. A fool dances among multiple laser beams during every antic. I am prepared to and aware that I might always get burned.

To truly be a fool, I must be brave.

I pledge to be a fool.

Never will I talk about myself in the third person, and neither should you America. Whether in life or over email, that’s just weird.

I pledge to be a fool.

Is anyone even still reading this? This is like… a lot of words. Good for you.

I pledge to be a fool.

I acknowledge that I am only one degree away from being fooled upon myself. In which case, when I am made the butt of a joke… I hope that it’s funny.

I pledge to be a fool.

I will proudly wear the many hats of buffoon, liar, fabulist, nincompoop, beguiler, clown, twit, charlatan, and, from time to time, shenaniganizer. To be clear, I am speaking most figuratively, though I am not against literally sporting wacky headgear.

I may be the fool, but I am the fool in charge.